Relationship Advice About Conflict

by Johnnie S Laney

Conflict is going to happen in any relationship. There are healthy ways to deal with conflict and unhealthy ways.

Unhealthy ways to deal with conflict are to attack your mate. This can be verbal or nonverbal. Trying to dominate them, argue with them, shout them down, put them down. Mocking or deriding your partner by calling them names and throwing insults is obviously an unhealthy way to deal with conflict.

However, there are several things you can do when conflict arises that are healthy. First, you can take a few deep breathes and notice your reactions. One common reaction to conflict is to revert tot he emotional age of an eight year old.

Notice while breathing that conflict causes crappy conduct. People yell, scream, throw things, withdraw behind a wall of silence, hate on their mates. You don’t need to take it too personally. It isn’t personal, it is just adults being frustrated and acting like kids. Try not to take it personally.

One powerful thing you can do is to keep the argument from getting too heated. Disarm and de-escalate it. You might say that you need some time to get yourself under control, then leave the room for a few minutes. When you come back, you will both be likely to talk in a more civil manner.

Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not to withdraw affection. If you argue, don’t then withhold affection for a day or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.

Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don’t wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don’t think it was your fault, reconnect. Say “sorry we fought, are you okay?” Do not let the anger between you linger.

There is much more to the art and science of dealing well with conflict. Most of us never got taught conflict resolution skills in school. These few pointers can be a good start.

About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School at How To Have The Intimacy You Want. Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Relationship Intimacy Help.
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